happy melancholy

the end is the beginning is the end

2009-06-10T19:14:00.002+08:00

everytime, it feels like i have so much to say, but at the same time, nothing to say.

i don't know how to describe it, i don't think there's such a word in the english vocabulary to describe the state of irony in which i feel everytime i think about blogging.

hence......

this spells the end. the end of meaningless words...
but also a beginning... of what i want to put forth. in another form.

a belated happy new year to all

2009-01-06T22:46:00.003+08:00

2009 breaks through the horizon of time without a hint of warning, leaving the memories of 2008 behind in a trail of dust...

i may have been away, but i am not dead. just playing dead.
playing dead to complications, playing dead to possibilities, playing dead to aspects of life that are not necessary for me.

i just want things to be simple. simple and easy. easy and happy. happy for everybody.

happy new year 2009. happy happy!

its the return of an older but wiser dark jedi.

what comes at the end of it all?

2008-05-30T16:58:00.001+08:00

for we are all nothing
but angels with broken wings
flying in our dreams
yet unknowingly falling

balance...

2008-05-21T16:17:00.001+08:00

is the key to everything. still trying to get it right.
i'm too focused.

hongkong... 2007.

2007-11-26T14:40:00.000+08:00

its been 10 years since i've last been there.

how will it be like now, to see hongkong through the eyes 10 years later?

few days ago, i went to the hospital where i was born. it was more than 10 years since i last stepped in. everything seemed smaller. perhaps it is the relativity of perception of size as a kid compared to now.

its been awhile

2007-04-25T20:03:00.000+08:00

so how have you been?

i've been busy. very busy. but i just remembered who i am.
feels good to know who i am.

t-shirt design inspiration! part 2

2006-10-31T09:31:00.000+08:00

here's a low cost solution for the ladies to get some attention:

october changes 2006

2006-10-30T18:13:00.000+08:00

i have been away. serving my national service, on reservist.

overall, i enjoyed it. it was refreshingly different from the hustle and bustle of working life in society. to be a soldier of the nation, executing commands without questions! omg so cool. (hur)
except the part on running with a GPMG. fuck, my back almost broke. no joke.

and while on reservist, i got a call. i was playing black jack in the bunk then.
it was a job offer. i told the guy i'd think about it and confirm a meeting time with him.
and i got back to playing black jack.

my mind was obviously on his offer.. and the next thing i knew, i had three 7s.
for those of you who don't know, it means you just won 7 times the amount that you bet.
and i bet $2 only, shit. but that's not the point. i think it was a sign.
i called the guy and set up a meeting next.

the meeting went well, and i'm now officially leaving my current company.
(current boss must be thinking: knn, go reservist for networking and come back tender. haha)
3rd nov's the last day. i'll be flying to shanghai on my new company's account on the 4th nov.
no time to lose :)

virgos usually don't like changes in their lives, but i'm welcoming this one.
i am going to be so much more better equipped to handle this new job compared to the last time i had this role in a company.
almost feels like re-taking the same exam with you knowing the questions beforehand.

looking forward to working with some of you guys.. again. ;)

what is life?

2006-09-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

often i wonder, what is that point of all this?
is it a test for each of us, by something greater?
of which you'll be graded by the decisions that you have made in your life, after your life?
or are we just freaks of nature that gains this self consciousness as unknowingly as when we lose it?
are my dreams real? or am i in a dream? which is reality? or is there even reality?
am i part of a huge film? am i the unwitting star of some reality show, like truman?

too many questions, too little answers.

人身就象一场戏, 两小时后就终局.
终局以后向哪去?

其实无所谓, 因为戏里的我, 有你.

a birthday over, a year older, but always the wiser.

2006-09-18T10:35:00.000+08:00

thanks to all who made time for me.
i'm glad that the people whom i wanted to be there were, despite
the busy schedules.

i, for one, am too busy to take care of this blog.
i need to update the song.......... with jay chou's 退后.

yeaaaaaa

2006-08-23T18:59:00.000+08:00

the devil's drive ;)

so as you can see, ever since i've gotten my car, i've been more busy driving and more lazy blogging.
grammatical error intended.

t-shirt design inspiration!

2006-07-14T13:55:00.000+08:00

met my bunch of NS mates last night.
was great reliving those good memories that we had together and having a laugh about it all.
overall there were some slight changes, but the basic characteristics that made out each of them were still there.

some things never change.

and speaking of things that never change, some of them were still single, all the way right from the time we ORD till now!

so i had a moment of inspiration, and decided to design these t shirts.
interested parties can order them from me, they're not too expensive :)

front

back

i can think of a certain mr sian that could use these t shirts.
they'd be a great way to start a conversation with the opposite sex.

zidane's limit break

2006-07-10T11:12:00.000+08:00

zidane shows the world how to use your head, correctly!

by the way, the jap words mean:

zidane attack!
sudden head on attack!
materazzi suffered 9999 damage!

edit: forget it, stupid picture is too big a file sized to be linked for long.

the chalet room

2006-07-07T17:13:00.000+08:00

the setting:

the chalet room, with the doors and windows closed.
the air conditioner is on. the tv is flickering with images telecasted from
the tv station.

the people:

5 girls, seated and lying around the room comfortably, forming a circle shape.
they're deep in discussion.

the scenario:

the girls are discussing what they should do when the guys get back from
playing soccer. they're also discussing who-has-a-crush-on-who, who-has-a-nice-butt,
and who-probably-has-the-longest-weezer. suddenly, there's a buzzing sound.
they look around, it sure didn't sound like it came from the tv.
silence follows, the room filled with sad sobbing sounds from the korean drama on tv.
and the buzzing again. this time, its obvious. it came from the top of the room.
they look up, and scream. its a flying beetle!

the result:

hur.

applause for mrbrown

2006-07-05T12:54:00.000+08:00

originally, i was going to post about my disappointment with hong junyang's album, but
i changed my mind. there's something more important worth mentioning.

recently, mrbrown posted an article about how our singaporeans' lives are progressing.
and for doing that, he was duly rewarded with a letter from k bhavani press secretary to the
minister for information, communications and the arts.

if you're singaporean, and from a middle-low class family like me, you'll identify with what
mrbrown was saying. and you'll feel for what he was trying to bring across. yes/no?

but instead of recognising these problems and addressing them, the letter merely brushed them
aside as sarcastic comments that distorted the truth, and said that mrbrown did not even
offer solutions. but mrbrown's not the person being paid gross amounts to think of solutions
for our society, right? else our government would probably be BPP - Brown People's Party. hur.

mrbrown was merely giving his feedback, which was shut off and disregarded as sarcasm,
"polemics disguised as analysis", in a bid to "encourage cynicism and despondency".

cynicism and despondency exists for people like us. and its not because people like mrbrown
encourage it with articles written in the newspapers, but because there really is something
wrong with the way our lives go, which individuals in the government like k bhavani probably
fail to understand.

i applaud mrbrown for his courage to speak out in such an article. his views reflect many of
ours, the common singaporean in the streets, working our asses off to pay for our needs.
but unfortunately, our pleas have probably fallen on deaf ears, and will continue to, time and
again.

i'm anticipating the next GE.

love is everywhere

2006-06-29T15:21:00.000+08:00

they say that a picture speaks a thousand words, so i shall not say much here.
but i hope that this picture here, despite the increasingly depressing world that we live in,
can lift your spirits for the rest of your day.

and remember to say i love you to whom you do.
you never know when you can never say it again.

MOS+FHM = song bo?!

2006-06-23T10:02:00.000+08:00

went to MOS with VIP tix for FHM's top 100 sexy women countdown. sat in the VIP area.
just behind the celebrities. ann kok, jaime teo, may, choy, melodie chen, dawn yeo.. etc
(thanks bryon!)

so i was exposed to more than 100 sexy women, S&M models, stripping wet models 15cm in front of me. and i got wet in the process too because of them flinging the water around.

cool huh. c'mon. be jealous. you've got a right to be.

stare what stare!

2006-06-22T14:57:00.000+08:00

my nose kept running
damn bloody irritating

so i went 7-11
to buy myself medicine

panadol for cold
works i was told

walk back to office
and saw these tourists

male japanese students
why so imprudent

while walking past them
few stare at me

past another group
also stare at me

smlj why stare at me
is it i yandao that's why must see

tmd male japanese students
so knn cb imprudent

ps. later i realise it was maybe because of my blue contact lens in the bright sun then
make it very obvious. give them benefit of the doubt. see i so smart to figure this out.

pek chek!

2006-06-16T17:22:00.000+08:00

wah lan eh. fucking busy lah!
and now rest times are gonna be cut short by saf even. ccb.

don't they understand how disruptive it is to our lives? knn!

einstein's brain scientifically proven to be different

2006-06-08T13:10:00.000+08:00

according to this report by scientists, einstein's brain has been proven to be structurally

different from that of normal men of his age.

i'm just wondering.. scientists actually spent time to prove that?

the lengths people go to prove that its not that they're stupid, just that the other

had an unfair advantage. humankind, sigh.

samsung r50 life story

2006-06-06T14:44:00.000+08:00

my 2 month old laptop. the hdd was a free upgrade from 60gig to 80gig when i bought it.
i think they gave me one that was problematic. bloody samsung. yes, samsung.

after about a week plus of using it, the performance became 'skippy'. couldn't be
my ram, i had 1gig. i checked the performance and cpu usage was always lesser than 50%.
i concluded that it was the hdd. i did a chkdsk and there were bad sectors. i uninstalled
programs that i didn't use and after i rebooted, 'operating system not found'. wtf...

and so i formatted and reinstalled everything, but it was still skippy. i wanted a change of
hdd, but to bring the laptop to bloody samsung customer service and not having my laptop for
weeks was unthinkable. (aka lazy) i called up cyberactive and asked if they knew how to change
laptop hard disk drives, and they said it would cost 30 bucks for the service, 100 plus for the
hdd and that it might not work in the end cos some laptop hdds have dunnowhatdata for it
to work properly. fuck it la..

so under my dulan-ness, i turned my laptop over and figured out how to take out the hdd.
i took out the hdd from my portable hdd and switched. so bloody easy. and cyberactive is
charging 30 bucks for that? knn. whoever need to change laptop hdd come find me ok,
i charge 29 bucks only.

i reinstalled everything again. voila, everything's working perfectly, although its now 40gig. :(
but i'd rather have a stable 40gig. :)

to be fair, i think it was a 3rd party licensed distributor selling samsung products at the IT fair
in suntec. i'm not gonna blame yongyang too cos i know he's innocent :P i blame the unscrupulous
guy who gave me the faulty hdd and claimed that it was a good upgrade of 80gig instead of
60gig! may your 1s become 0s and your 0s become 1s.

and yongyang, where's my dinner?!?!?!!!

人就是..

2006-06-01T14:31:00.000+08:00

was at dungeon last night.
i forgot what i said but ariel, as usual, was on the receiving end of my sardonic humour.
brenda heard that and said, "you're so mean."
i defended, "i'm not really mean, i'm just bad." mean isn't really the word for me.
and she said, "yeah. 你很坏." to which i explained, "对啊. 男人不坏, 女人不爱."
then she gave me a one-kind of look, and told me as a matter of factly,
"女人不坏, 男人也不爱. 人就是犯贱的." i agreed.

if you want to see how 犯贱人 can be, just take a look at this link.
人就是犯贱的. everybody nod your head in unison.

disclaimer: if the blog owner that i linked to has issues with my opinion, please understand
that we're all unique individuals with different mindsets and this is my blog so i can say whatever
i want here unless the singapore law decides to come after me. (for being what, slightly more morally correct? hur)
but you may request for me to remove the link. i'll just quote your entire blog and post it then,
with credits to author written below so i don't get sued for plagiarism.

step into the dark side

2006-05-30T12:06:00.000+08:00

the transition from this:

to the dark side:

但我始终还是人.

dysfunctional society

2006-05-29T18:06:00.000+08:00

remember i made a post about us entering into the state of a dysfunctional society?
check this out for dysfunctional:

and just for laughs:

"我有压力, 你有压力!" we're all doomed.

a piece of my adolescence

2006-05-19T22:39:00.000+08:00

happy days (the end of them)

i shut my eyes
and watched them burn
i broke my ties
i saw their urns
this frustrating phase
tastefully disgusts me
love like a barren place
morning cacophony
and the stones that make the road don't flitter under the moon's light anymore
they used to glitter like diamonds, little shards diamonds, when i was a child, running on the pathways
all those melancholic nights
drifting mind of mine restless, aimless
thoughtless thoughts
i look for joy and i find emptiness

finally (and dreadfully..)

2006-05-18T12:50:00.000+08:00

there's a new post. and a change in template.
got tired of the previous design.
spent like 2 hours on understanding this new template's coding to edit.
i'm such a noob..
the understanding behind this new template is "simple is beautiful."

i'll add in a song later on when i have more time.
been listening alot to it on my ipod nano. far away by nickelback.
credits to sengky :) thank you, its beautiful.

and dear, you shall be fine by tomorrow. promise. =)

while you were sleeping..

2006-04-17T11:04:00.000+08:00

我试探

在你的美之中

寻找着不完美

但接下来

的每个失败

只让我更相信

你是的确

那么地完美

让我无法不继续

深深地爱着你

of love, marriage and corn. - the corny story

2006-03-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

quoted from a forum, but i edited the story a little to add some extra elements:

A student asks a teacher, "What is Love?" The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go to the corn field, choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: You can go through them only once and not turn back to pick." (Once you miss it, you cannot go back to it)

The student headed for the field, and went through the first row. He saw one big corn, but he wondered.. may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one.. but wondered if there may be an even bigger one waiting for him.

Afterwards, when he had completed more than half of the corn field, he started to realize that the corn growing around the area were not as big as the previous one he saw. He knew he missed the biggest one, and he regretted it. So, he went back to his teacher empty handed.

The teacher told him, "This is Love.. you keep looking for a better one, but you only realize it when you have already missed the person.."

"What is Marriage then?" the student asked.

The teacher said, "In order to answer your question, go back to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."

The student went back to the corn field, and this time he was careful not to repeat the previous mistake. When he reached the middle of the field, he picked a corn that he felt satisfied with, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, "When picking the corn this time.. you looked for one that is just nice, that you had faith in and are satisfied with.... this is Marriage."

so how many of us actually manage to pick the satisfactory corn that happened to be the biggest at the same time?

and you wonder too, if the boy was still thinking of the biggest corn that he first saw when he came back with the second corn to his teacher.

loving every minute of it

2006-03-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

i am tired. but at the same time, i am also empowered.
and upon this empowerment, i draw more strength to combat the tireness.

and as i get more tired, i get more empowered.
hence, the strength that i draw becomes greater each time.

this cycle takes place everyday, as i continue trudging through the urban forest.

temporial reliefs taking form in the shape of saturdays and sundays..

i may be tied up, i may be busy, but i never allow myself to lose sight of my objective.

urban decay

2006-03-22T11:29:00.000+08:00

there's seriously something i don't understand nowadays.

firstly, there's the one big hoo ha about dawn yeo. if you don't know who she is
(where've you been?!!?!), you can view her blog here.
this girl has looks, became a very popular net babe, even got featured on fhm
singapore. but fame is a double edged sword. there were accusations of plastic
surgery, breast augmentation, etc, which she denied to it all in the new paper.

what's the big deal about her having plastic surgery? is it so news worthy to even
interview her in the new paper? right, maybe i'm just not one of those kay poh ones..

secondly, after her denial, apparently someone had some problems with her
non-admittance, and promptly made a lengthy blog post complete with supposed
evidence to disprove it. you can view the piece of work here.

actually spending all that time to make such a post? complete with pictures to prove
his/her point? what do you gain from this man.. seriously.

next thing i know, we're gonna see an article on whether steven lim was actually
a woman, complete with investigations and interviews from thailand sex change hospitals.
and in the straits times, front page, headlines. now that'd be cool.

the final step into a dysfunctional society.

the loss of innocence

2006-03-15T15:41:00.000+08:00

i was bored at work today. so i went surfing. (shh)
and i didn't know what to surf. so i started from my own blog. clicked on a link.
then another link. and another link. and another link. you get the idea.

i came across a few blogs that were interesting. student's sketchpad was one.
i'm actually posting up their link here because they asked the readers to, if we found their
entries interesting. some content on stereotyped school students. it was amusing to me.
i was an ri boy. not proud of it. could identify with some parts, especially the parts with the
scgs/rgs girls and acs boys, gep students and elitist mindsets. i hated all that shit. but i digress..

was surprised to learn that the artists and writers were really just secondary school students.
such talent! if it were during my generation, those sketches would have just been confined to
torn and dog-eared note books. the internet - what a great place for expressions.

came across a few more blogs. was again surprised by the writing style, thoughts and maturity
level of some of those bloggers. 12 years old, and writing like a young adult, knowing how to
express their views, and actually blogging. i don't know what to say. the me of 12 years ago, was
only interested in playing street fighter and soccer.

i had my suspicions from observing kids nowadays, that they were growing up at a much faster
pace than my generation had. and from reading these blogs, it only confirmed my suspicions
further. questions raced through my head.. what was causing this change? kiasu parents?
result-oriented schools? and then it hit me.. it was the very thing i was staring at. the internet.
mass amounts of knowledge gained through reading the free flow of information, and losing
their innocence without them knowing at the same time.

i find it sad. i had a childhood, and i'm grateful to my parents for providing me with one.
maybe its sentimentality, but i have fond memories of days when i was a child without worries.

i wonder what it'll be like for the next generation after this.. i'm feeling old already.

random thoughts

2006-03-10T12:35:00.000+08:00

some random thoughts that i had during these few days. time to ponder.

1. if a miss singapore contestant, or any beauty contestant, has had plastic surgery done before, is it counted as cheating?

2. great points about working in chinatown: ease of connectivity to people, food glorious food.

3. anyone notice how eerily pan mei chen's eyes look like jay chou's? (maybe she's his natural mom)

4. people will always take the route with lesser resistance, just cause its the easier way out, but not because its really the better route to take.

5. what would you do without your mobile phone, and the internet? i'd be really lost.. this is how dependent we have all become on these 2 mediums.

6. saddening to learn about the recent suicide cases. suicide is really not the way out.. its escapism. your life is not your own. it belongs to all the people who love and care for you. even if you believe there are none, there will be. and its worth taking the time to find that person for yourself.

7. love transends all boundaries. i'm looking forward to meet a good old dear friend of mine who's canadian and flying over the end of this month. a mutual friend of ours, who happens to be her boyfriend, is flying her down to this tiny little island to spend time together. its not easy, its a bold step. and for having the guts to do all that, i respect. wishing the both of you the best.

choice of poison

2006-03-06T14:52:00.000+08:00

tequila neat. salt and a slice of lemon.
not very tasteful. bitter, salty, sour..
and then a burning sensation down your throat to remind yourself that you're alive.

my choice of poison. what's yours?

fixing a broken heart

2006-02-24T16:24:00.000+08:00

in most relationships, there are bound to be "our" songs.
songs that.. once heard, one would immediately think of the other half.
songs that.. once heard, one would immediately have a rush of nostalgic emotions.
that is sweet. but, this sweet turns to bitterness and pain when the relationship doesn't work out.
and these songs, once heard.. will bring back a flood of pleasant and unpleasant memories.
and these songs, once heard.. will bring an ache to your heart, each time more painful than the previous.

there's a way to fix this. like i told a friend before:
"你得一直听会让你心痛的那首歌.. 一直听, 不断的听. 当你听到你心不再痛的时候, 你就已经好了."

what's up?!?!?!

2006-02-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

did anyone read last week's 8 days issue?!
what's a babe like jaime teo doing with daniel ong?!?!

only goes to show that love is blind.
fret not physically unbeautiful ones.. it gives us hope.

happy valentine's day to all commercial suckers for today :)

where do you want to drink today?

2006-02-12T16:03:00.000+08:00

i noticed something about the choice of drinking spots among the different races here..
not that i'm racist of course. :) :) :)

the chinese will ask his friend, "which pub shall we drink at tonight?"

the indian will ask his friend, "which void deck shall we drink at tonight?"

the bangladeshi will ask his friend, "which patch of grass shall we drink at tonight?"

iadoreyou

2006-02-08T17:05:00.000+08:00

our eyes meet
only to part shyly

a bashful smile erupts
straight from my heart

i catch your red cheeks
flushing so adoringly

time stands still for the moment
when your hands find mine

and i'll hope you'll always remember
the way that i adore you

the lovely wall

2006-02-06T15:16:00.000+08:00

you smile at it.. it makes you glow happily in your heart
you talk to it.. you want to find out what has been happening to it
you care for it.. you're concerned about its well being
you touch it.. it feels electric
you stroke it affectionately.. and it lets you know what perfection is
you hug it.. and you never want to let go
you kiss it.. feels like the world existed for that moment
you think of it every possible second.. thoughts of it just popping up out of the blue
you want to spend your whole life with it.. you love it

to love a wall so much.. only for it to still be as cold, hard, unmovable and resolute as ever.

the killer in me is the killer in you

2006-02-02T19:02:00.000+08:00

disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to
cut that little child
inside of me and such a part of you

ohh oh oh the years burn...

state of mind

2006-02-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

and nobody loves me.. its true.
not like you do.

gong xi fa cai

2006-01-27T14:10:00.000+08:00

yay. happy chinese new year to all.

great time for some family gathering and relinking up of relationships
with relatives over some good food (bak kwa), gambling and comparisons
of ang bao collections.

i only have one gripe on this yearly event. what's up with all the blasting
of chinese new year songs all over the place man? and i really mean ALL
over the place! outdoor shops, indoor shops, work places, etc.

but seriously, don't take me wrong. i'm can tolerate the classic chinese
new year songs. but i saw something the other day that really drove me
crazy. ct girls singing techno versions of chinese new year songs!
and accompanied by stupid mtvs of the ct(or is it city? ie. their marketing failed)
girls in stupid costumes with really lousy cg effects. oh man...

i was thinking, who'd be crazy to write the tunes to such songs?
who'd be crazier to sing such songs?
who'd be craziest to want and produce and sell such songs?
who'd be the craziestest to buy such songs and play them in their area of
business? is it really that aurally pleasing?

i had to force myself to attain amnesia to forget the stupid mtvs. and
apparently its not working, because here i am still thinking and writing
about it. so, excuse me while i go and play a game of dota to temporarily
relieve myself from those scarring images in my head...

the end is the beginning is the end

2006-01-25T12:47:00.000+08:00

nothing lasts forever. not you, not me, not anything. (maybe love, but..)
don't tell me diamonds. sure, the diamond may last, but will you,
as the owner of the diamond, have ownership of that pretty little
light sparkling stone forever?

天下无不散之宴席. i've learnt about splits, losses, eventual disintegration
of an initial great cohesion of ideas, plans, actions, energy, etc. be it for good
or bad. things never remain the same always. you won't see me thinking like
how i do right now a year ago.

bitch about the unfairness of life, fate and everything. but its still going to
stay this way. so how do you handle it? you know its not going to last, so
why spend your days worrying about the eventual loss?

i don't know about you, but i enjoy my life. i don't know since when and why the
hell i was given this consciousness of myself, but i'm enjoying it. i'm not going
to live forever, but i'm not going to worry about myself dying anytime soon too.

so! i'm going to live by this: enjoy things while they last, savour the moment.
不在乎天长地久, 只在乎曾经拥有.

yup. i'm think i'm just going to do that.
but then again, you never know. cos nothing lasts forever.

time was taken

2006-01-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

and you're now a step closer to me. really.

sorry...

2005-11-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

but even god takes time.